AD about the consent policy of our high class escort service
On September 2nd 2023, the large Dutch newspaper Algemeen Dagblad published a large article about the consent policy of our high class escortservice. For this purpose they interviewed a high class escort from Society Service and owner Marike. The article appeared in the printed version of the Rotterdam region version and could be found on the AD website. The original article was published in Dutch and can be viewed below, as well as an English translation.
High class escorts learn to set their boundaries
One in ten escorts (men and women) is asked to do something they don't feel like doing, but they don't dare say anything about it. High class escort agency Society Service has devised a special plan to prevent these types of situations. "A client who only wants straight-forward sex has come to the wrong place."
She has a beautiful appearance. Tall, slim, bright eyes and dark curls. Robin has been working as a high class escort for almost a year now, in addition to her 'regular' job in the creative industry. She is booked almost every week, by men or couples for an intimate get-together. The majority of her bookings are nice, but sometimes things happen that are not so nice, and then her boundaries are crossed.
Once upon a time there was a client with a special wish. “We had an appointment in a hotel,” she says. “He hardly asked any questions and didn't tell anything about himself. I almost had no contact with this man. He was just focused on a type of S&M game he wanted to play, but I had no experience with that.”
Once in the hotel room, Robin had to be submissive. It started innocently with some kind of tantra-like trust exercises. “At one point I had to walk around the room naked with a blindfold on and he started groping me. I felt so vulnerable, also because I had no connection with him. This didn't feel good.'' Robin indicated that she wanted to stop. The man agreed and they talked about it for a while. It all ended with a fizzle, but things could have been different.
During another booking, Robin enters the hotel room and her client says she has showered. But once in the bedroom that turned out not to be the case. "He just wasn't clean, it all smelled bad. But I found it difficult to say anything about it." When he was later confronted about his hygiene through the escort agency, he thought that Robin should "just do her job." Or a client who cautiously insists on unsafe sex, even though it was made very clear before the booking that this was really not an option.
'One in ten times transgressive behavior'
Marike van der Velden is the owner of Society Service, the high class escort agency where Robin works. Recently, Van der Velden has heard more often from her escorts and gigolos that clients are pushing boundaries. Transgressive behavior occurs in one in ten bookings. But rarely is a get-together terminated prematurely. The result: an escort looks back on a booking with an unpleasant feeling. Van der Velden therefore offers the escorts and gigolos special training where they learn to set their boundaries.
According to Van der Velden, clients in particular over the age of forty are more likely to push boundaries. "Concepts such as mutual and informed consent for sex are less important here than among people in their twenties. Some people think paying an escort buys consent for sex. But it does not work like that. It's not 'I pay, so I decide'. When you book a high-class escort, it is about the experience that transcends the sexual. You build an atmosphere that can lead to a more erotic togetherness. A client who only wants straightforward sex has come to the wrong place. There are plenty of other services who offer just that."
Extra money
Cross-border behavior occurs when an escort is forced to cross her boundaries, she says. Clients who ask for unsafe sex say that other escorts all do this. Some offer extra money. Or a client wants sex too quickly, while the escort is not ready for it yet. “When an escort indicates that he or she does not want something, that must be respected,” says Van der Velden. "The booking is really not ruined. At the next appointment, the client is always given the opportunity to show that he has learned from it. It only becomes transgressive when the other person continues anyway. That's not okay. These clients will be refused next time.”
Fantasy
Van der Velden also considers the 'SM game' that Robin had to undergo as transgressive. "This man was only focused on fulfilling his own fantasy and did not pay enough attention to her needs."
On the other hand, it also happens that escorts and gigolos move on to sex too quickly and the client is not yet ready for it. Gigolos in particular must be alert, says Van der Velden. "We have a large group of clients with little sexual experience, or they have experienced something traumatic and want to transfort that with a pleasant experience. Some clients are influenced by what they see in porn and think they have to comply. Someone can say that he or she wants something at a given moment, but regret it afterwards. It is important to take a break every now and then, how does this make us feel? Is everything still nice?"
Experienced mistress
Robin is also aware of this. She is an experienced mistress with a bisexual preference. But she also sometimes unintentionally pushed boundaries during sex. For example, a while ago there was an appointment with a fellow escort and with a man with little sexual experience.
“I was very happy with this booking,” she says. “I felt attracted to my colleague and wanted to use my strap-on with her. The man was fine with it, but it wasn't necessary for him. I realized that I wasn't paying enough attention to his needs at that moment. From now on I see this as a wish that I can do something with privately, but not with someone who is not yet ready for it."
Roleplay
To make escorts, gigolos and clients aware of all this, Van der Velden introduces a so-called consent policy. Escorts and gigolos receive special training where they learn through role-playing how to deal with a situation that threatens to become transgressive. This awareness must also arise among clients. When they book an escort, they are always informed that sex only takes place after mutual consent. “Clients must agree to this in advance,” says Van der Velden.
She emphasizes that the majority of bookings always go smoothly. "Someone who books an escort just wants a good time and when both sides do their best to respect each other's boundaries, then it is always successful."
Online box 1: Training
A humanist specialized in consent policy will provide training to the escorts and gigolos. The sex workers learn how to better indicate their boundaries. The following topics will be discussed: what is consent, and how do you create awareness about this theme. Escorts and gigolos always have the freedom to cancel a booking if there is no consent. A number of cases are also discussed through role-playing.
Online box 2: Sex worker or escort, what's the difference?
With both the client pays for sex, but with an escort service it is about more than that. Companionship is an important part of the service. Sometimes the escort accompanies you to a restaurant, or even on a business trip. The escort not only has sex, but also gets to know the client. Hiring an escort is often a lot more expensive.
