Linda Magazine about women who book a gigolo

On May 1st Linda Magazine published a large article about a woman who books the gigolos of our escortservice. In the article, the client tells how she uses the services of a gigolo while she is married. The article discusses several women who cheat in different ways. They tell what motivates them and how they feel about this. The article was published in Dutch but below you can find a partial translation in English.

Women who cheat

An affair is certainly not always the result of a relationship crisis or an evening out drinking. Some women consciously seek adventure.

The car window slides down smoothly, the woman behind the wheel lights a cigarette. A wedding ring glitters on her hand. She looks at the man on the curb - young, handsome, athletic - over the rim of her sunglasses. “Am I at the right place for some fun?” she asks sultry. The young man nods, one corner of his mouth curls up mischievously. “Get in,” she orders him. In a movie – well go ahead. But in real life, hiring an escort is not nearly as sensual. Just google, a few clicks, checkout, done. Married men and women in need of some fun outside their marriage don't have to look far. Even if you don't feel like pulling out your wallet. Some dating apps deliberately target people in a committed relationship. The best known in the Netherlands is Second Love. The company slogan "Flirting isn't just for singles" is offensive enough for many, but at the same time it's an understatement: you can easily get beyond flirting.

You have to stand your ground as a Second Lover, Bianca noticed immediately: there are men who would otherwise waltz all over you. A first negative experience didn't stop her from a second date. It clicked with that man. She now has at least one Second Love adventure a week. “Usually when the kids are at school and my husband is at work. He often has to go abroad and I'm part-timer, which makes it easy. Usually I book a hotel room for a few hours. Do I pay for those rooms in cash? No, there's no need to be so secretive. I have my own bank account: my husband doesn't see those statements. I do choose hotels that are at least ten kilometers from my hometown.” Sometimes she meets outside. “Just in a park, in the bushes. I find the risk of being caught extra exciting.” Sexing at home is not an option: her contacts don't know her last name, let alone her address. “If someone has wrong intentions, they don't know where to find me or my family.”

That's very sensible. “Safety is extremely important, and for women the main reason to choose an escort service if they want to cheat.” Because a gigolo is reliable, discreet and professional. "The chance that he will develop feelings for you and thus pose a potential danger to your family life is minimal." And, not unimportant: gigolos are guaranteed to be good lovers. “You just have to wait and see for the average man on Second Love. And who says his profile picture isn't from 2006?"

Of course, a gigolo comes with a price. “The rates differ per escort, but you can easily spend 450 euros each time. By the way, not all of our clients are wealthy. I know women who regularly save for six months. The question is whether they consider discretion and safety important enough to pay such an amount.” That is certainly the case for Marlies (43). She has been married for seventeen years and has regularly hired, without her husband's knowledge, a gigolo at escort company Society Service. “I feel like I would be risking my marriage with Second Love,” she says. “The same goes for an affair with a colleague. Too many risks. This is a business appointment where I know exactly where I stand. Afterwards I don't have to worry about it. I don't even have to send a message."

Marlies started cheating after the sex with her husband became less. “When I gave birth to our second child, I had a total rupture, my husband saw it happen. Since then he looks at my body differently. There's nothing erotic about it for him anymore. We have sex significantly less often than we used to. Moreover, I miss the passion: feeling desired, taking the time for each other.” After years of trying to get their sex life up to scratch, she turned to Society Service. “I never feel guilty. I know I did everything I could to make it work with my husband. My marriage is strong enough on all other fronts not to want a divorce. I love him very much. We've known each other since our teenage years. I've never had another relationship; I don't feel like starting one either."

And what if her husband finds out that she regularly has sex with someone else? “I don't think that will happen. For my own business I sometimes have to go to other parts of the Netherlands for one or more nights. Only then will I book an escort. If necessary, I'll add a day off to it. I tell my husband that I have booked a day of spa and wellness.” A favorable side effect is that she can pay everything from her business account. Otherwise, it could be difficult to keep such a hefty expense hidden. “The first time I hired a gigolo, I was in a remote area. That is why there was a minimum booking duration of five hours. That costed twelve hundred euros.” There is one drawback: her accountant knows about Marlies' extracurricular activities. But it doesn't worry her. “He's such a dusty man, he doesn't even mention it. In addition, he has a duty of confidentiality.”

Marlies was bloody nervous, the hours before that first appointment. She even had to throw up. “Not only because I was about to cheat, but also because I thought: what the hell am I going to talk about with a gigolo for five hours?” Those nerves turned out to be unnecessary. The escort was a sweet, friendly man her age – just as handsome, muscular and well-groomed as in the picture. “We talked for a while, got to know each other. Gradually we flirted more and more. I think it's important to seduce him too, not just the other way around. We're doing this together anyway. In the end we undressed each other, massaged each other and had sex. Now I always book for five hours. That way we don't have to watch the clock. I will gladly put that twelve hundred euros down for that.” Usually Marlies and her lover-for-a-fee meet in the hotel bar: “Let's have a glass of wine first, then have a chat. When things get more intimate, we retire to my room. I think such a comprehensive approach is important. Eroticism is more than fucking.”

She is happy that she dared to choose an escort service: “I feel wanted again, sexy, feminine. It is an addition to my life. For me, cheating falls in the line of sports and looking nice. If that makes me happy, why shouldn't I?" Cheating is also an enrichment for Bianca. That became clear when she stopped doing it for a while. “At a certain point, it became too much for me: the chat conversations, the meetings, the excuses… Because I was almost exclusively busy with that, I forgot work appointments.” But the break didn't make her happy. She was often cranky and her libido disappeared. “I hardly had sex with my husband during that period. When I started dating others again, I had sex with him more often.”

She is happy that she has resumed her Second Love adventures. “What I do with other men says nothing about my marriage,” she says. “I see sex and love separately. My husband thinks otherwise. He can only have sex with someone he loves. Of course I sometimes think: what would it be like if I were with someone who feels the same way as I do. But I don't want to lose my husband. I really hope he never finds out; he would be devastated.” A person can have many different reasons for having sex with another person in addition to the regular partner, Belgian sexologist and relationship expert Rika Ponnet recently said in a radio interview. It is often based on a lack of intimacy, as is the case with Marlies. According to Ponnet, we do not always feel satisfied in our marriage or relationship after a while and that is why we look for the fulfillment of those needs elsewhere. There we then have the feeling that we are experiencing something very intense and unique with the other, separate from the world and almost separate from life itself.

However vague that may sound, Marlies recognizes it immediately. At each appointment, she lives in a "fantasy world" for a few hours. “I forget reality. Paid or not, my escort is my lover for a while. Even our conversations are about topics like dream travel. I love that. I will discuss serious matters with my husband.” The lack of intimacy can arise in several areas within a relationship, emphasizes relationship expert Rika Ponnet. So not just in bed. “Once we are married, we expect to remain each other's best friend and soul mate who is also and remains sexually attractive. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. Where some relationships fall short, others can be too oppressive. As a result, people can have the feeling that they are being limited: not being able to be themselves or to develop themselves. An affair is then a form of escape, to have something of and for yourself.”

Hoe zweverig dat ook mag klinken, Marlies herkent het meteen. Bij elke afspraak leeft ze een paar uur in een ‘fantasiewereld’. “Ik vergeet de realiteit. Betaald of niet, voor even ís mijn escort mijn minnaar. Zelfs onze gesprekken gaan over onderwerpen als droomreizen. Dat vind ik heerlijk. Serieuze zaken bespreek ik wel met mijn man.” Het gebrek aan intimiteit kan op meerdere vlakken binnen een relatie ontstaan, benadrukt relatie-expert Rika Ponnet. Dus niet alleen in bed. “Als we eenmaal getrouwd zijn, verwachten we dat we elkaars beste vriend en soulmate blijven die óók nog eens seksueel aantrekkelijk is en blijft. Helaas werkt dat niet altijd. Waar sommige relaties tekortschieten, kunnen andere te beklemmend zijn. Daardoor kunnen mensen het gevoel hebben dat ze beperkt worden: niet zichzelf kunnen zijn of zich niet kunnen ontplooien. Een affaire is dan een vorm van ontsnappen, om iets van en voor jezelf te hebben.”

The majority of female clients are single: 'only' thirty percent are in a committed relationship. Second Love founder Erik Drost sees more male than female registrations: 58 versus 42 percent. It is often thought that there are many more men than women on the app, but that is not the case. Men just send a lot more messages. “Women are pickier and more strategic,” says Drost. “Men shoot with hail. They copy-paste the sentence 'Hey, nice profile!' and then send it to dozens of women.” According to Rika Ponnet, partners of cheating women and men often realize that something is going on, but they ignore it, for fear of what will break if they discuss it.

Bianca acknowledges that. “Sometimes I think my husband suspects something. Then he asks very emphatically what I am going to do when he is on a work trip. Why doesn't he confront me about it? Because he doesn't want to lose me, I think. If he were to bring it up, he'd have to come up with evidence. And he hasn't. As long as it stays that way, I will deny it at any cost." Nobody knows about Bianca and Marlies' extramarital sex dates. Not even their best friends. Marlies: “Such a secret is always passed on to one person.” Bianca: “The less people know, the better.” There are also plenty of women who do talk about it with their friends. “I regularly get new clients who have been tipped off by their best friend. But they share each other's secret. In general, this topic is still a huge taboo.” Bianca agrees. She has no doubt that many people will condemn her behavior. “Society is far from ready for women who see sex and love separately.”